You wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times I have written and rewritten about this topic, especially in my head. I have so many thoughts, opinions, questions, and concerns to share, but shockingly, I am finding it difficult to express what I mean while saying everything I mean in the way that I mean. Even with all that thinking, this post still only scratches the surface.
A common thread throughout the past year and a half has been about value. On an intrinsic level, without having to have anything to contribute to the family, workforce or the world, how is a value determined? One of the most damaging things someone can hear in his or her life is "You have been weighed; you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."
People should never feel like they have no value. I'm not talking about participation trophies or trite "That was great" statements. I'm talking about value as a being, as themselves, personality and charisma aside. It begins early. How you treat your child will manifest the repercussions throughout the rest of his or her lifetime. EVERY human being has a value.
It's easy to talk about empathy. It's such a trendy word. Businesses want their customer service to make you feel like they understand your situation. "Put yourself in their shoes" is a common theme in corporate training. "Engage with the customer." What then? If it's artificial, it comes across as condescending and insincere.
When the goal is to create value, it naturally produces empathy. After all, when you realize someone's value, you DO empathize with them - not necessarily about their specific situation but about their experience and emotions as a fellow human. When you value someone, even at the most basic level of concern, you don't want to cause them any unnecessary pain. Each person will value someone differently than their neighbor would, sometimes in relation to how the other person benefits them and sometimes in relation to nothing at all.
I struggle with feeling valued every day. Growing up, it was something to be earned, not given freely. I struggle with feeling like second-string in my family, my work, my church, my friends, and my life. I struggle with it so much that my 6-month goal was to make sure I didn't cause someone to not feel valued. I know I failed miserably, but even being aware of it made a drastic difference in my interactions, whether on social media or in real life.
One thing I've noticed since my little experiment has been the assumption of intention. Everyone is the hero and victim of their own life story. If someone is your perceived friend, you assume their intentions are good. If someone has assumedly wronged you(even a friend), you claim they are out to hurt you. Assumptions are a tricky thing, and we all know what happens when we assume.
Anger is an easy go-to, especially in our increasingly disconnected world. When you don't see the other person as a fellow life traveler, it's easier to be insulting, hurtful, and bullying. If you distract people with barbs thrown at them, they won't see your pain. If you can look past the anger and tone and address the issue, that's when the real healing and progress is made.
The other side of value is how much do you keep fighting for it, whether it be a relationship, a possession, or a philosophy you believe in? If something is at risk, what is the cost vs. benefit analysis and what is your criteria for determining it? Financially, emotionally, long-term vs. short-term? What is the balance of seeing something else's value while at the same time not losing yours?
In only two areas do I not question my value: God and dogs.
Dogs are easy. Unconditional love is so ingrained in their being that it takes an extraordinary amount of abuse and pain for them to hate their family. I'm definitely not the best dog mom, but my girls get so excited every day when I get home, I'm amazed at the size of the pedestal on which I've been placed. I can never measure up to that, but they don't expect me to. Whatever I do for them is perfect because it comes from me.
God is the same for me. Even in the darkest of moments in 2017 and 2018, while I railed against God and tried to push through the depression, I never felt like He valued me any less. The judgment and shame I felt were of my own mind and that of other humans. He created me; why wouldn't He value me? There's a sense of freedom in that knowledge. No matter how often people fail me, I can accept their unintentional slights because I know they're flawed, but that isn't the whole story. God created people with a mere token of His capacity for love, and these days, with all the hurting in this world, everyone appears to be the "least of these". People that are the most battered are the best at seeing value in others because they know the pain not having it causes. Everyone should feel valued and it's up to us to help people see it in themselves when they have lost their way.
You have not been weighed; you have not been measured, and you have been found valuable because you are.
=========================================================
High Tide or Low Tide
In high seas or in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
In high seas or in low seas
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
I heard her praying, praying, praying
I said I heard my mother
She was praying (praying, praying, praying) yeah, and I
And the words that she said (the words that she said)
They still-a lingers in my head (lingers in my head)
She said "a child is born in this world
He needs protection." Wo-ohGod guide and protect us
I said I heard my mother
She was cryin' (I heard her cryin'), yeah! (Cryin', cryin')
And the tears that she shed (the tears that she shed)
They still linger in my head (lingers in my head)
She said "a child is born in this world
He needs protection"
God, guide and protect us
When we're wrong (when we're wrong), please correct us. (O-oh)
And in high seas or in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
Said, in high tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
High seas, in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
High tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
A common thread throughout the past year and a half has been about value. On an intrinsic level, without having to have anything to contribute to the family, workforce or the world, how is a value determined? One of the most damaging things someone can hear in his or her life is "You have been weighed; you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."
People should never feel like they have no value. I'm not talking about participation trophies or trite "That was great" statements. I'm talking about value as a being, as themselves, personality and charisma aside. It begins early. How you treat your child will manifest the repercussions throughout the rest of his or her lifetime. EVERY human being has a value.
It's easy to talk about empathy. It's such a trendy word. Businesses want their customer service to make you feel like they understand your situation. "Put yourself in their shoes" is a common theme in corporate training. "Engage with the customer." What then? If it's artificial, it comes across as condescending and insincere.
When the goal is to create value, it naturally produces empathy. After all, when you realize someone's value, you DO empathize with them - not necessarily about their specific situation but about their experience and emotions as a fellow human. When you value someone, even at the most basic level of concern, you don't want to cause them any unnecessary pain. Each person will value someone differently than their neighbor would, sometimes in relation to how the other person benefits them and sometimes in relation to nothing at all.
I struggle with feeling valued every day. Growing up, it was something to be earned, not given freely. I struggle with feeling like second-string in my family, my work, my church, my friends, and my life. I struggle with it so much that my 6-month goal was to make sure I didn't cause someone to not feel valued. I know I failed miserably, but even being aware of it made a drastic difference in my interactions, whether on social media or in real life.
One thing I've noticed since my little experiment has been the assumption of intention. Everyone is the hero and victim of their own life story. If someone is your perceived friend, you assume their intentions are good. If someone has assumedly wronged you(even a friend), you claim they are out to hurt you. Assumptions are a tricky thing, and we all know what happens when we assume.
Anger is an easy go-to, especially in our increasingly disconnected world. When you don't see the other person as a fellow life traveler, it's easier to be insulting, hurtful, and bullying. If you distract people with barbs thrown at them, they won't see your pain. If you can look past the anger and tone and address the issue, that's when the real healing and progress is made.
The other side of value is how much do you keep fighting for it, whether it be a relationship, a possession, or a philosophy you believe in? If something is at risk, what is the cost vs. benefit analysis and what is your criteria for determining it? Financially, emotionally, long-term vs. short-term? What is the balance of seeing something else's value while at the same time not losing yours?
In only two areas do I not question my value: God and dogs.
Dogs are easy. Unconditional love is so ingrained in their being that it takes an extraordinary amount of abuse and pain for them to hate their family. I'm definitely not the best dog mom, but my girls get so excited every day when I get home, I'm amazed at the size of the pedestal on which I've been placed. I can never measure up to that, but they don't expect me to. Whatever I do for them is perfect because it comes from me.
God is the same for me. Even in the darkest of moments in 2017 and 2018, while I railed against God and tried to push through the depression, I never felt like He valued me any less. The judgment and shame I felt were of my own mind and that of other humans. He created me; why wouldn't He value me? There's a sense of freedom in that knowledge. No matter how often people fail me, I can accept their unintentional slights because I know they're flawed, but that isn't the whole story. God created people with a mere token of His capacity for love, and these days, with all the hurting in this world, everyone appears to be the "least of these". People that are the most battered are the best at seeing value in others because they know the pain not having it causes. Everyone should feel valued and it's up to us to help people see it in themselves when they have lost their way.
You have not been weighed; you have not been measured, and you have been found valuable because you are.
=========================================================
High Tide or Low Tide
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
In high seas or in low seas
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
I heard her praying, praying, praying
I said I heard my mother
She was praying (praying, praying, praying) yeah, and I
And the words that she said (the words that she said)
They still-a lingers in my head (lingers in my head)
She said "a child is born in this world
He needs protection." Wo-ohGod guide and protect us
When we're wrong, please correct us (when we're wrong, correct us)
And stand by me
And stand by me
In high seas or in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
He said, "I'm gonna be your friend"
And, baby, high tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
I'm gonna be your friend
He said, "I'm gonna be your friend"
And, baby, high tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
I said I heard my mother
She was cryin' (I heard her cryin'), yeah! (Cryin', cryin')
And the tears that she shed (the tears that she shed)
They still linger in my head (lingers in my head)
She said "a child is born in this world
He needs protection"
When we're wrong (when we're wrong), please correct us. (O-oh)
And in high seas or in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
Said, in high tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
High seas, in low seas
I'm gonna be your friend
I'm gonna be your friend
High tide or in low tide
I'll be by your side
I'll be by your side
