What connects us?
The small introverted part of me loves the safety of online communication, and I spend hours in debates and commenting on posts and learning about different topics and people; however, although I'm not exceptionally skilled at it, my favorite medium is face-to-face interactions. Even FaceTime and Skype cannot replicate the energy between two people, whether disagreeing or not. I make many of my decisions about people based on my gut reactions to them in person. Despite what some people will tell you, it is very easy for me to make snap judgments and conclusions, especially online.
Emotions rise easily, and when you don't see the other person's face, you don't get a sense of the natural interplay of in-person interactions. You don't see the tear that runs down someone's face when you make a callous remark, you don't recognize the internal thoughts going through his head when you insult him, and you don't understand her emotions when you debate a topic as basic as the best flavor of cheesecake(key lime). You don't see the consequences of your word choice.
In an age when you can contact the majority of the developed world 24 hours a day, are we really any more connected than before? What determines connection? Nationalism? Human experience? Social standing? Education? Humanity? What do we do when we are connected but don't feel a connection?
We often talk about the human experience being universal. Does that mean if I have not been through your specific experience, I cannot understand? Of course not. I may not be able to understand the particulars, but at a basic level, I can understand the emotions of anger, love, worry, happiness, etc. Does this mean I have more in common with someone halfway across the world than with someone down the street from me? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Even within my own demographic, I am a member of multiple Venn diagrams. How specific and how intricate do we create the parameters that determine connection? If some recent news and posts are to be believed, I should side with my gender over all other statuses; for others, I should choose my religion over all else. Or should it be based on something different altogether?
Between a child and an adult, the same event will provide you with 2 varying eyewitness accounts. For a man and a women, a simple walk down the street elicits different emotional and physical responses. Race has been a highlighted attribute as of late. How I am treated by police and retail shops is not the same as someone with darker skin.
So, how do we find a connection when we are all various mixtures of personalities, thoughts, and experiences? Why is it so challenging to accept that someone else's feelings are valid and should be acknowledged before being addressed? Why are we so quick to assume that someone is acting selfishly? Our thoughts are colored by our life experience and worldview and assumed impression of the other person, whether accurate or false.
Much of it comes down to intention. If I believe that you are attacking me or not acting in my best interest, my interpretation will be far different than if I think you are coming from a place of love. If you make a comment about something personal to me, my blood pressure will rise and my fingers will start typing 85 WPM to make sure you hear my reaction to your perceived slight. If I instead challenge myself to ask more questions or if I consider you to be ignorant and unaware, my tone will be much different. There's always talk about mindset in the therapy/self-improvement world. Positive vs. negative thoughts, growth vs. fixed mindsets, etc., and it's all valid discussion.
In the Orthodox Church, when we struggle in forgiving someone, we are advised to pray for that person. It's not for the other person, although we do wish them blessings. At first, I don't mean it. In fact, I act more like a two-year-old toddler in a sulk. I don't like them; why should I want the best for them? It clearly shows that prayer is not for God; it's for us.
When you have faith in the larger picture, it's easier to ride out the short-term stresses. Notice I didn't say they were gone. It confuses me some people think that when you become Christian or have a deeper faith, things become instantaneously easier. In no way have I achieved any kind of theosis or inner peace. I struggle periodically with depression, daily with feelings of inadequacy, and always with selfishness and pride. Thank God there's such a thing as grace. Connection to God is paramount in times when people let you down, when they attack you, and when they act (dare I say?) HUMAN. It keeps me grounded on days when all else fails and reminds me to think outside my egocentric assumptions and consider different viewpoints and try to see someone's heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Human
I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything
The small introverted part of me loves the safety of online communication, and I spend hours in debates and commenting on posts and learning about different topics and people; however, although I'm not exceptionally skilled at it, my favorite medium is face-to-face interactions. Even FaceTime and Skype cannot replicate the energy between two people, whether disagreeing or not. I make many of my decisions about people based on my gut reactions to them in person. Despite what some people will tell you, it is very easy for me to make snap judgments and conclusions, especially online.
Emotions rise easily, and when you don't see the other person's face, you don't get a sense of the natural interplay of in-person interactions. You don't see the tear that runs down someone's face when you make a callous remark, you don't recognize the internal thoughts going through his head when you insult him, and you don't understand her emotions when you debate a topic as basic as the best flavor of cheesecake(key lime). You don't see the consequences of your word choice.
In an age when you can contact the majority of the developed world 24 hours a day, are we really any more connected than before? What determines connection? Nationalism? Human experience? Social standing? Education? Humanity? What do we do when we are connected but don't feel a connection?
We often talk about the human experience being universal. Does that mean if I have not been through your specific experience, I cannot understand? Of course not. I may not be able to understand the particulars, but at a basic level, I can understand the emotions of anger, love, worry, happiness, etc. Does this mean I have more in common with someone halfway across the world than with someone down the street from me? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Even within my own demographic, I am a member of multiple Venn diagrams. How specific and how intricate do we create the parameters that determine connection? If some recent news and posts are to be believed, I should side with my gender over all other statuses; for others, I should choose my religion over all else. Or should it be based on something different altogether?
Between a child and an adult, the same event will provide you with 2 varying eyewitness accounts. For a man and a women, a simple walk down the street elicits different emotional and physical responses. Race has been a highlighted attribute as of late. How I am treated by police and retail shops is not the same as someone with darker skin.
So, how do we find a connection when we are all various mixtures of personalities, thoughts, and experiences? Why is it so challenging to accept that someone else's feelings are valid and should be acknowledged before being addressed? Why are we so quick to assume that someone is acting selfishly? Our thoughts are colored by our life experience and worldview and assumed impression of the other person, whether accurate or false.
Much of it comes down to intention. If I believe that you are attacking me or not acting in my best interest, my interpretation will be far different than if I think you are coming from a place of love. If you make a comment about something personal to me, my blood pressure will rise and my fingers will start typing 85 WPM to make sure you hear my reaction to your perceived slight. If I instead challenge myself to ask more questions or if I consider you to be ignorant and unaware, my tone will be much different. There's always talk about mindset in the therapy/self-improvement world. Positive vs. negative thoughts, growth vs. fixed mindsets, etc., and it's all valid discussion.
In the Orthodox Church, when we struggle in forgiving someone, we are advised to pray for that person. It's not for the other person, although we do wish them blessings. At first, I don't mean it. In fact, I act more like a two-year-old toddler in a sulk. I don't like them; why should I want the best for them? It clearly shows that prayer is not for God; it's for us.
When you have faith in the larger picture, it's easier to ride out the short-term stresses. Notice I didn't say they were gone. It confuses me some people think that when you become Christian or have a deeper faith, things become instantaneously easier. In no way have I achieved any kind of theosis or inner peace. I struggle periodically with depression, daily with feelings of inadequacy, and always with selfishness and pride. Thank God there's such a thing as grace. Connection to God is paramount in times when people let you down, when they attack you, and when they act (dare I say?) HUMAN. It keeps me grounded on days when all else fails and reminds me to think outside my egocentric assumptions and consider different viewpoints and try to see someone's heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Human
I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything
I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I can do it
I'll get through it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human
I can take so much
'Til I've had enough
Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human
I can take so much
'Til I've had enough
Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
