Progress Report

I know I said I would report on Tuesday, but I had internet issues. Technology...

The weekend went rather well. There was not much of an opportunity for what I perceived to be personal, in-depth conversations, so I was "safe" for the most part. I did try to speak up if I had an opinion on something, instead of hiding it like I do, so I guess that's something.

So, in some ways I passed and in some ways I cheated the whole purpose of the experiment. I would love to say I will do this on a daily basis, but I know that at the first sign of sharing, I will flee back into old patterns.

I enjoy making beeswax candles at a monastery I regularly travel to in Florida. The smell of the candleshop is so peaceful and relaxing, but also just the steadiness and repetition of winding the wick around the frame, dipping at just the right speed so there are no drips, bubbles, or warps, letting it dry, and then doing it all over again. In the beginning stages while the wax is still soft, it is fairly easy to correct the mistakes and start over if needed. After the candles have hardened and been cutoff the wire frames, it is still possible to get the wax off the wick, but it is much more difficult, and in extreme circumstances, you have to remelt the wax, filter out the contaminants, and add the melted wax back to the dipping tank.

"The comfort zone is a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance, usually wihout a sense of risk."--Alisdair White

Comfort zones are a funny thing. They are strongly set in the growing years and after any type of perceived calamity, and, like the wax, it is possible to readjust the boundary lines, but it takes a stronger and more determined character the more entrenched one gets. They are called comfort zones for a reason. They make us feel safe and remove as much anxiety as we can avoid. They are in a variety of our areas, professional, lifestyle, relationships, etc. For many people, they help function through the daily rigmarole of life.

The problem with comfort zones is that many people will not push themselves outside of the comfort zone they have set up. The zone does avoid placing a large amount of stress on yourself, but it also eliminates opportunities for personal growth and rewards from taking risks. I say this to myself as well, since I am good at some areas of risk but not so great at others. My greatest weakness, or "area of opportunity" as you know, is in the area of personal relationships.

Many songwriters address the issue of attempting to love after having been burned or feeling scarred, so it's nice to know I'm not alone. There are lots of songs of getting back up and diving back into the "shark tank" or at least not leaving the diving board. Right now, it feels like I am on the diving board looking at everyone swimming and wishing I could be there but not willing to take the step off the end of the plank. This is coming from someone who loves to swim! :)

Ever wonder about what he's doingHow it all turned to liesSometimes I think that it's better to never ask why
Where there is desireThere is gonna be a flameWhere there is a flameSomeone's bound to get burnedBut just because it burnsDoesn't mean you're gonna dieYou've gotta get up and try try tryGotta get up and try try tryYou gotta get up and try try try
Eh, eh, eh
Funny how the heart can be deceivingMore than just a couple timesWhy do we fall in love so easyEven when it's not right
Where there is desireThere is gonna be a flameWhere there is a flameSomeone's bound to get burnedBut just because it burnsDoesn't mean you're gonna dieYou've gotta get up and try try tryGotta get up and try try tryYou gotta get up and try try try
Ever worried that it might be ruinedAnd does it make you wanna cry?When you're out there doing what you're doingAre you just getting by?Tell me are you just getting by by by
Where there is desireThere is gonna be a flameWhere there is a flameSomeone's bound to get burnedBut just because it burnsDoesn't mean you're gonna dieYou've gotta get up and try try tryGotta get up and try try try Pink - "Try"

I do appreciate comfort zones in that your soul cannot just constantly be in a state of stress going about your daily activities. Research shows that pushing yourself outside of comfort zones is beneficial, but if you go too far and overwhelm yourself before you are ready, it can actually be more harmful. I am not arguing that people should stay inside their bubbles, but how can you really tell if you're ready without just doing it? I think I have taken baby steps, but in this world of microwave-this and instant-that, it's hard to be patient and wait to see results. I don't mind negative information; I just don't like the not knowing. I know different people are placed in your life to push you and mold you and shape you in different areas. Sometimes, it's hard to determine the teachers from the keepers.

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HeyHeyDo you hear, do you hearThat soundIt's the sound of the lost gone foundIt's the sound of a mute gone loudIt's the sound of a new startKissWith a mouth of shooting starsOf lost and broken heartsUnafraid you can name your scarsWith a touch of a new heartIt sounds likeIt sounds likeIt sounds likeLadeedadadadada, dadadadadaNow, oh, now is the startOhAnd it goes with where you goDon't lose faith for the friendsYou don'tNeed a thing, you already knowYou are right as you areAnd it sounds likeIt sounds likeOh, it sounds likeLadeedadadadada, dadadadadaNow, nowLadeedadadadada, dadadadadaNow, ohNow is the start, ohNow is the startHey, hey, hey, heyNew start in the endThere is aNew heart under thereBeneath theseNew parts everywhereIt is a new, new, new, new startNow is the startIt sounds likeOh, it sounds likeOh, it sounds likeLadeedadadadada, dadadadadaNow, nowLadeedadadadada, dadadadadaNow, oh, now is the startOh, now is the startNow is the startNow is the startNow is the startNow is the startIt sounds likeIt sounds likeIt sounds like
A Fine Frenzy - "Now is the Start"