Garbage In, Garbage Out.

One of the few nuggets of wisdom my adopted father told me over the years was "Garbage in, garbage out." He was referring more to pop culture, but it can also be more widely applied to life in general.

Many phrases are fed into our mind by parents, church, peers, teachers, mass media, pop culture, and even ourselves. It seems the determining factor about what is kept within our self-talk, along with many other things, such as trust, self-esteem, etc., is all set into place during our formative childhood years. Even from birth, our mother introduces security, healthy boundaries, love, rules, compassion, and statements of self-worth. If this is damaged in any way, the remainder of our life is spent in varying degrees of repairing the damage. Because our parents are the first role models, what they do, even more than what they say, shows us how to inhabit our communities. Since we know nothing else, their pattern of behavior is the archetype against which all other information is measured. 

I find it interesting that the negative messages are much easier to accept into our everyday vernacular than the positive ones. Maybe this is just me personally, but if someone critiques my work/self/attitude, I willingly accept and agree with whatever they say. "Oh, you thought my singing was a little off? Me, too!" or "You don't like that? Yeah, they weren't my favorite musicians, anyway." If on the other hand, I receive a compliment for my work/self/attitude, I can usually bat those away like pesky little flies. "Oh, I'm not strong. I just pretend to be." and "I'm not a good writer; I ramble all through the post."

People do not realize the importance of self-talk. You can surround yourself with positive, wholesome people all day, but if the core of your beliefs is not what the should be as a "normal" person, then at the end of the day, the demons are still attacking. They lie in wait and jump out just when you think you are doing well! And by "you", I really mean "I".

I constantly apologize for things that I do, things that I don't do, and things that were an accident, even knowing that most of them are beyond my control or were not my fault, because I learned early that I was somehow to blame for most things. Having read a few psychology books, I know this is due to not having much control in my home over what was done to me.

Supportive people are definitely important, even if you had a not-so-nurturing childhood. You need the internal support and security before you can have any type of individuality and separation. You have to have that net of safety before you feel sure of taking any kind of risks. If all you hear or see is that you have no value or you are criticized for any type of behavior, then you will not feel confident in your ability to be aggressive and take initiatives.

As with many people, I cannot recall the first three years of my life, so I can neither confirm nor deny any type of parenting techniques during those formative years. My biological mother died several years ago, so there is not a possibility of bringing up any questions to her, and my biological father does not speak much English, unfortunately, and I speak no Turkçe. Parents are human, of course, and no parent completely follows any "guidebook" or any child listen to their parents. This is one of the blessings-and curses-of free will.

God himself is both firm and supportive. As human beings, we tend to skew anything good and twist it until it becomes something harmful for us. God provided us the Psalms, Proverbs, saints, and even Christ himself, to show us that he wants us to succeed in reaching salvation. Sometimes, it feels like your high school Chemistry final. He has provided all the textbooks, tutors, tools, etc. Now, we just have to complete the experiment as it needs to be. If, however, we fill our head with reality shows, celebrity gossip, unrespectful music, and pornography, then that is what we will recall and what dwells in our minds at any given point.

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     "We grow cold within when our heart is distracted, when it cleaves to something other than God, worrying about different things, getting angry, and blaming someone--when we are discontented and pander to the flesh, wallowing in luxury and wandering thoughts. Guard against these things, and the coldness will diminish.

     As to the heart--where else is life if not in the heart?"

Theophan the Recluse