I do not like New Year's resolutions. I think people intend good things with them, but usually, someone makes a dramatic statement about how this is going to be the year they run a marathon, lose 50 pounds, travel the world, complete their bucket list, etc. and then by the end of January, real life and their familiar comfort zones beckon, and the intended dreams fall by the wayside. I think the reason it bothers me is that it does not cultivate a "Change now!" mentality. Anyone that talks about goal setting and life coaching will tell you that if you want to make a change, you just do it. Nothing grand about it, just make one change that day. The next day, either decide again to make that change or build upon it until it becomes a habit. Habits and practice are the only way to make an everlasting change.
Hello. I am the pot calling the kettle black.
I do not like New Year's resolutions, but I do like the end of the year and reflecting on where I've been the past 12 months and whether I've grown or stagnated. When I think about December 2012 and read some things I wrote during that time, I have a mixture of satisfaction and frustration. Satisfaction, obviously, is for the positive changes in my life. This is easy to mull over, mentally mark as complete, and file away. The frustrations are more interesting, usually. Despite the growth I know I have made year over year, I tend to still view life as an awkward 16-year old trying to determine what things mean. I do not know if this ever goes away.
For this particular year, I know for certain I have made spiritual progress. I do not say that in an arrogant "I am closer to God" way, but just a realistic self-evaluation. It often feels as though I am just beginning my spiritual journey with God. I think I have progressed so far ahead and then the curtain falls back and I realize just how far I have to go. I think this year's big focus for me has been realizing and accepting Divine Grace. Growing up in an environment where affection and value had to be earned, it has been a long mental struggle allowing myself to believe that just being God's adopted child is enough.
I would get jealous when I heard of people that had some sort of epiphany one day about their religious life. I never had an "Aha!" moment where I instantly realized that I was a "Christian" in every sense of the word. When I consider that now, however, I don't know that an instant moment is what I would need to make an everlasting change. God clearly already knows that about me.
I am better off setting a foundation, building upon it until it's set in stone, and then moving on to the next stage. I have always considered myself to be more of an endurance person than a sprinter, and this filters into all facets of my life: work, relationships, health, hobbies, etc. My intent is not to downplay those who have another view, but I see the quicker things as superficial, rushed, inauthentic, and half-hearted.
Unfortunately, like many others, I learn best in hindsight. Trial and error have been my best teachers. As you already know, I am inarguably stubborn and I have trouble listening to the advice of others. I have to fall on my own face before I will listen to someone telling me the way is treacherous and slippery. I rarely realize in the moment that I have changed. It is not until later that I realize the progress over the past month/year/etc., when I take stock in where I am, and realize that something is different. I do like surprises, though...
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MercyMe - Shake
I just can't believe
Where my life was at
All that I know is that my heart was broken
And I don't ever wanna go back
Ain't no explanation
How I saw the light
He found me and set me free
And it brought me back to life
Blame it on the transformation
Changed down to the core
His love is real
And I can't sit still
Cuz my name's not shamed no more
Great God Almighty, gonna change this
Great God Almighty, He gonna change me
You gotta shake, shake, shake
Like you're changed, changed, changed
Brand new looks so good on you
So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake
Shake like you've been changed
Shake, shake, shake like you changed
Maybe He came to you
When everything seemed fine
Or maybe your world was upside down and hit you right between the eyes
No matter when it happened
At 7 or 95
Move your feet ‘cause you are free
And you've never been more alive
You gotta shake, shake, shake
Like you're changed, changed, changed
Brand new looks so good on you
So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake, shake
Shake like you changed, changed, changed
Shake, shake, shake like you changed
Brand new looks so good on you
So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake, shake
Shake like you changed, changed, changed
Shake, shake, shake like you changed
Shake, Shake
Great God Almighty gonna change me
Great God Almighty, He gone and changed me
No matter when it happened
At 7 or 95
Move your feet, ‘cause you are free
And you've never been more alive
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