No, I did not misspell the largest city in Georgia.
When I was little, I had a board game called By Jove, in which I learned about a woman in Greek mythology, which has always fascinated me. Like St. Katherine, she was an anomaly of her time as a strong woman. Atalanta told her father that she would only marry someone who could best her. Her focus, though, was in the physical realm. I am not sure why this particular story fascinated me so much. In both instances, the women did not settle for the status quo or merely accept their fate.
Patience is often considered a weakness. This is clearly not the case. In a world where we are often called to action or advised to "Go, go, go!", it can be extremely difficult to be patient. In the Christmas story, several people are asked to wait on God: Joachim and Anna, Joseph and Mary, and Simeon. It takes strong faith to be able to say, "God, here are my troubles, although You already know them. I lay them at the foot of Your cross and accept Your will for my life," and then move on and NOT think or worry about them anymore. I do not have this kind of faith.
I've been recently thinking about how much I tend to idolize people, relationships, and marriage. In my feeble understanding of God, I think it's probable that He provided the family I had so that I would NOT be as attached to this world more than I already am. Struggling against your passions is NOT an easy thing. It is very exhausting and draining mentally, and it isn't just 1 battle. It's war! I don't even pretend to be good at this. Sometimes, sadly, I don't even attempt to fight.
I talk about not wanting to be in control, but as someone pointed out to me recently(much to my chagrin), I am a VERY critical person–about almost anything. I don't mean to be, obviously, and it's almost a knee-jerk reaction. If I had to pinpoint a New Year's resolution, mine would be to only have nice things come out of my mouth. I love my friends, and it hurts me to think that I hurt them. As hard as I am on things and people around me, I am that much more critical of myself and my self-perceived imperfections.
In considering what the next 12 months will bring, it does take a lot of patience, which we've already determined I don't really have, to take each day at a time. Usually, God has to drag me kicking down some new path that looks a bit too hazy and foggy for me. I still find myself wanting to be a Christian on MY terms, not according to God's tenets. Lifelong battle, I'm afraid. Sorry, God... I have changed my mindset on some relationships, what I want in my personal life and family, and I have finally accepted that God accepts ME, no matter what I do. Since His love is not earned, it cannot be un-earned. Thank God for Divine Grace!
What do I want for 2014? At this point, honestly, I'm not sure. There are several different paths I could go, and I have a very bad habit of biting off more than I can chew. The best PC answer would be to work on my relationship with God and make that the focus of my every day thoughts and activities. The more honest answer is probably just to be happy–not that this is a bad thing; it's just not the goal of a Christ-centered life.
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Keep Making Me - Sidewalk Prophets
Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely
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