Lack of success. The omission of expected or required action. The action or state of not functioning. Failure.
If 2016 was the Year of Firsts, 2017 has been the Year of Failure.
Failure at my job. Failure at health. Failure at being a good friend. Failure at being a good pregnant lady. Failure at being a good church leader. Failure at budgeting. Failure at being a good doggie mom. Failure at being able to carry a baby to full-term. Failure at being able to feed my own child. Failure at being a good girlfriend. Failure at being a good daughter. Failure at being a good sister. Failure at being able to take care of my child after he got out of the hospital. Failure at feeling guilty at being relieved that my son is being adopted and I won't have to be responsible. Failure at being a mother.
Failure to thrive. FAILURE to thrive.
With success being drilled into my head early in my life, one's value is only as good as your last success. My latest failure is quite a doozy. Even taking into account A's special feeding needs and my lack of infant experience, all I can hear with the assessment of failure-to-thrive is that I am not good enough. It makes me want to retreat into a corner and curl up in a ball. I don't know how to get past this mindset, no matter how much people try to reassure me it's a medical diagnosis and doesn't mean I necessarily anything wrong. If that's true, how is it that he's gained 1 pound in a week, he's happy, cooing, smiling, and sleeping through the night?
I failed. Whether it happened because of lack of knowledge or his medical situation, the end result is the same. What if it happens with the next child? Who's going to trust me to take care of a child when I couldn't even handle it for 3 weeks?
How do you learn how to parent when everyone expects you to magically know?
So what do you do after a failure? We'll find out.
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Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go,
If you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
If 2016 was the Year of Firsts, 2017 has been the Year of Failure.
Failure at my job. Failure at health. Failure at being a good friend. Failure at being a good pregnant lady. Failure at being a good church leader. Failure at budgeting. Failure at being a good doggie mom. Failure at being able to carry a baby to full-term. Failure at being able to feed my own child. Failure at being a good girlfriend. Failure at being a good daughter. Failure at being a good sister. Failure at being able to take care of my child after he got out of the hospital. Failure at feeling guilty at being relieved that my son is being adopted and I won't have to be responsible. Failure at being a mother.
Failure to thrive. FAILURE to thrive.
With success being drilled into my head early in my life, one's value is only as good as your last success. My latest failure is quite a doozy. Even taking into account A's special feeding needs and my lack of infant experience, all I can hear with the assessment of failure-to-thrive is that I am not good enough. It makes me want to retreat into a corner and curl up in a ball. I don't know how to get past this mindset, no matter how much people try to reassure me it's a medical diagnosis and doesn't mean I necessarily anything wrong. If that's true, how is it that he's gained 1 pound in a week, he's happy, cooing, smiling, and sleeping through the night?
I failed. Whether it happened because of lack of knowledge or his medical situation, the end result is the same. What if it happens with the next child? Who's going to trust me to take care of a child when I couldn't even handle it for 3 weeks?
How do you learn how to parent when everyone expects you to magically know?
So what do you do after a failure? We'll find out.
========================================================================
Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go,
If you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
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