Love is Just the Beginning

To my son,

I picked out your new family last night. They seem pretty ideal, and I could tell just from reading their bio that they have so much love to give you. You'll get a mother with a huge heart, who cares about all the people around her. You'll get a father who cares if you're happy and will support your choices in life. You'll get a big brother who is already excited you're coming. You'll get not just your parents but an extended family and entire community who will lift you up in love and support. You will have so many opportunities I cannot provide and an environment which will encourage you to be your best self whomever that happens to be.

I especially want you to know that me giving you to them in no way means that you are less than perfect or not worth keeping. This has NO reflection on you at all. This has to do with me not being enough to give you the life you deserve. I am not abandoning you. If you ever need anything from me, I will drop everything and help in any way I can. I'm just adding more family into the mix. I wish I could keep you with me, but I know this will be best for everyone, especially you.

I love our little snuggles and watching you learn about the world. I can already tell you're inquisitive and patient. You're a chill little dude, especially when Rosie is being...well, Rosie. The world is an amazing and scary place, and I can't wait to see you learn and grow along with the rest of us.

I want you to grow up strong, conscientious, ambitious, hard-working, loving, helpful, and secure in being you. If, at some point, you decide you don't want to see me anymore, I completely understand and will respect your decision. I'll still pray for you. I will always love you, and no matter who legally takes care of you, you'll always be my child wherever you go.

Love always no matter what.
================================================================

To my son's new parents,

You're getting an amazing kid. I promise I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. I picked you on purpose because I know you'll be able to provide him all the things I cannot. He's a fighter and he IS strong, but he's also loving and affectionate.

I thank you for keeping his name, even though you don't have to. I appreciate you opening up your home and your hearts to raise him and give him whatever he needs. I'm glad he will have wonderful role models in all aspects of his life, but especially in his own home.

Please speak up if you feel I am being in any way intrusive or you begin to resent my desire to be involved. I know you don't have to let me see him other than the minimum contact, and I appreciate you not shutting me out completely. I don't want to take him from you. Mostly, I want to be able to enrich his already full support. He has been surrounded with love since the time he was discovered in my womb, and I know he's been prayed over throughout many prayer circles.

I look forward to getting to know you and him and help him on his journey together. Thank you so much for promising to take care of A and loving on him.

==========================================================

To God,

I cannot imagine the strength the Theotokos must have had in watching her son whom she had kept for many years to be sacrificed in complete innocence. I think of how protective I feel over little A in such a short time and how he didn't ask for any of this to happen to him.

I know things will turn out for the best of everyone. I appreciate the short time you allowed me to care for him. (I especially appreciate all the $0 medical bills after my out-of-pocket max was met! $131,000 St. Thomas bill = poof!) I wish I could say I grew spiritually, but we both know the lie detector determined THAT was a lie.

I pray for you to watch over J, B, and C as they learn A and he learns them. I pray for them to lead them in the way he should go. I pray that they turn to you when they are struggling through less-than-perfect times. I mean, Moses, Esther, and Jesus were all adopted, and they turned out pretty okay.

I pray for you to strengthen A's faith whenever he feels lost or conflicted. I pray that you provide guidance and discernment when learning how the 2 families interact and move forward to support A to the best of our abilities, which is the ultimate barometer to determine next steps. I pray that you not make things easy on him but show him that you are always there to turn to in times of strife. I pray he learns how much you care for him. Please help me to remember that this is the best choice I can make for him and what he needs.

P.S. I wouldn't mind another one with slightly different circumstances.
================================================================

You'll Be in My Heart

Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
And hold it tight

I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always

Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different, but deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other, to have, to hold
They'll see in time, I know

When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you
But you got to hold on
They'll see in time, I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Believe me you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always

Always I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always

Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there
Always