That which we call a rose...

I have always been wary of excessively using the word "love."

People use love to describe all kinds of relationships to people, places, things, etc. "I LOVE that shirt!" or "I love pepperoni pizza!". I don't mind if people do actually love these things, but there are so many words in the world, even just in the American English language, and many of them fit much better. This reminds me of the elementary school taunts kids said when you stated you loved something: "Then why don't you marry it?"

I am a stickler for precise language, and while I do understand and appreciate metaphors and hyperboles, I continuously think of how inaccurate they are. I have heard words misused and twisted so much that I am skeptical of a person's true meaning. If someone overuses a word, then the impact of the word is lessened. Don't say are starving when you overeat 3 meals a day. Don't claim something takes "forever" when you only had to wait a few minutes longer than normal. I am guilty of this as well, but it does not mean I allow it any more in myself than I do in others.

We often find ourselves contemplating how to describe love. How do you know when it is love and not just an illusion? Does it have to be reciprocated to truly be love? Why do you love some people and not others who are similar? How do you differentiate between different types of affection? Does love always manifest itself the same way? If you question it, does that mean you don't really feel it?

To me, love is still a fairly new concept. My personal experience with it is that people use "love" to hurt you and make things go their way. One family member abused me, another abandoned me, and yet another just used me. I am not screwed up enough that I don't logically realize this is not all over the place, but the key word here is "logically."

There is a quote that says "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to." (Unknown) I think this is too simple and inaccurate. Yes, you should trust someone you love to not hurt you, but at the same time, someone can only hurt you if give them that power. I think, ideally, you should be strong enough to stand on your own. I also think this sets up a dynamic for the relationship which can quickly turn to a codependent one if both partners are not on the same page. I understand, obviously, that there is sacrifice. There always is when you are in relationships of any kind with other people.

I do care about my friends and family, although I don't tell them nearly enough. As far as having been "in love," I'm honestly not sure how to answer that. I can tell you when I am angry, I can tell you when I am sad, and I can tell you when I am confused, bored, excited, nervous, etc. I cannot, however, immediately tell you when I love someone. I suppose I am gun-shy about saying it because I worry that as soon as I admit how much I care about someone, it means I need them, and then I am in their power, and they have the capacity to hurt me, if I allow it. I am trying to tell people more how I feel about them, so I never have to worry about people wondering. I am determined, though, that when I do say "love," it will not be a word that I have just bandied about and used in any flippant occasion. It will be a conscious intentional statement so that the person hearing it is left in no doubt as to my feelings.

I CAN genuinely say that I love my dog, Basil, so I've got THAT going for me. ;)
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Deborah Cox - Definition of Love

Write it down a thousand times
four-letter word that makes me cry ,
how I feel about it I can't decide
No I don't know, so I'll improvise,
Is it living in our heart?
Or in our mind, I don't know.
So world ready or not,
Here I go, searching for the answer,
And I'm not gonna stop,
Till I find where it lingers inside me,
How does it come to be?
What should it mean to me?
Teach me the definition of true love.

I was so afraid I'd never succeed
But you made me feel I could do anything
Memorize the things we would say and do
Must be the love and strength that I found in you
Is it living in our heart?
Or in our mind,
I don't know
So world ready , or not
Ooh, Here I go searching for the answer
Till I find where it lives inside me

How does it come to be?
what should it mean to me?
Teach me the definition of true love
Love only feels so good
True love always believes
And it gives way the boundaries,
Willing to sacrifice unconditionally
So world ready, or not
Ooh, here I go
searching for the answer
and I'm not gonna stop
Till I find where it lives inside me

How does it come to be?
what should it mean to me?
Teach me the definition of true love