To Forgive is More Human Still

This book was recommended (by a stranger I will most likely never meet) as a result of a prayer request. I am trying to remove the hold my past has on me. The book has had some very eye-opening content. I am still in the middle of it, but there is so much valuable information, and I feel like every other paragraph, I'm stopping to process and let the feeling of relief wash over me. I think the most important statement I have read is, "Forgiveness does NOT mean reunion." It is still a lesson I am trying to learn.

Many times when we think of forgiveness, we think in terms of turning the other cheek. Both my book on boundaries and the forgiveness book talk about healthy boundaries. Just because you have forgiven someone does not mean you have to have an ongoing relationship with that person.

Whew! What a load off my mind!

In some ways, it makes sense. It is not a healthy place to be where you put yourself in a continually damaging position. Who wants torture all the time? It is very harmful for the psyche. Mr. Smedes also talks about it being okay to blame the other person for their betrayal. Blaming them doesn't mean we understand why they did what they did. It doesn't mean we condemn them to hell. It means we hold them responsible for their actions in this particular incident. It means they cannot bother you any longer. Blame has its place. According to Mr. Smedes, "...if he did it, meant to do it, and initiated the action, he is accountable for doing it. If what he did wounded and wronged you personally, you blame him. Only then do you consider forgiving him."

I have people I have held grudges against. Most minor, 2 major, and 1 life-altering. I think where I get stuck is trying to come with some logical reason for the issue, and many times, there isn't one. I go back and forth in blaming myself because I should have been smarter and feeling betrayed because I acted out of faith, and I was torn apart because of it. What upsets me the most, though, is that the longer I hold onto the betrayal, the more power they hold over me, and I don't like other people having power over how I feel and who I am.
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Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting