Music has been a part of my life for further back than my memories allow. My mom was a music professor, and there was always music (or NPR) playing in our house. Usually, this was classical music of varying kinds, including opera, and even some Azerbaijani and Persian music from my dad. People always laugh when I tell them I skipped the 80's pop culture, and I didn't know anything other than classical music until I was 12 years old. I was always involved in choir, ballet-for a short time, and piano lessons. Even during the summer, I would hang out in my mom's office while she taught summer school, and the halls were filled with all sorts of arias and sonatas and musical virtuoso performances.
Of course, my musical tastes have varied over the years depending some on who is popular at the moment and new sounds and technologies that develop. Mostly, though, it depends on my mood at the particular time you catch me. My CD/iPod collection ranges from Vivaldi and Chopin to Norah Jones and Marc Broussard to Kelly Clarkson and Demi Lovato to Linkin Park and Eminem and beyond. I listen to all tempos, moods, keys, topics, and styles.
I slightly agree that some music, especially current commercial music, does incite passion, but I would argue that sometimes you need to incite a fire! As discussed previously, I over-think and I also sometimes struggle with depression, so if I need a pick me up, I tend to turn to Linkin Park, which is about as close to heavy metal as I get. They have a blend of rap and rock with melodic lines, but the emotion in the lyrics speak to some of the darker thoughts I have. If I feel more mellow, usually I will put in music resembling something closer to Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson, maybe. If I need empowerment, usually I put in some type of escapist female pop song. :) (I know, I know, but I sometimes need something that doesn't make me think.)
I enjoy instrumental music, but lyrics are where I connect with a piece. I have a verbal mind, and the words paint a better picture than any artist ever could. I have written a couple of songs(none that I will share, sorry), but I would not consider myself a songwriter. I am, however, able to make what I feel inside show through in the words. I am not good at explaining all the technical terms about what the music is doing at any particular point, and I have forgotten most of the theory classes, but all I know is that whatever I am feeling at any particular point, there is some song somewhere that conveys what I feel.
When I have a problem or a celebration, usually the first thing I run to is my music. Music in any form will always be a part of my life, and in much the same way that some guys are obsessed with sports, I am obsessed with music. I always want to sing, play, and listen to music for as much as possible. I am always humming, whistling, or singing something, either out loud or in my head, if the situation calls for it. No matter where I travel or where I end up, the trail of music I leave behind me will show my emotional footprint-disappointments, successes, heartbreaks, joys, and challenges. Just ask the last song I played, and you will know where my head is currently.
Prayer for tonight is actually one of the troparia from the Small Paraklesis service we have been singing for the last 2 weeks:
"Attacks of the passions disquiet me * My soul to repletion * hath been filled with despondency. * Bestill them, O Maiden, with the calmness * of thine own Son and thy God, O all-blameless One."
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