I am almost envious of my ancestors and their isolation from other communities. The media tells us about so many conflicting qualities that are required to be "valuable." If I tried to be everything to everybody, I would be pulled in many different directions, and there would be nothing left of me for me. Despite my ability to appear as superwoman, I am anything but. Shocking, I know, but I am really good at pretending when it relates to me and avoiding discomfort.
Nature vs. nurture is a long-standing argument about what has more influence, but in reality, what difference does it make? If you have something you want to improve, or something people think about you, does it really matter where it comes from? People are not scientific experiments and do not live in bubbles where you can remove variables because there is no way to recreate the exact situation, and it also begs the question, "What is the 'control' group?" Some people might say chemical differences, genes, etc., but I think you can also choose to change. Of course, this also goes along with the free will vs. predestination debate. You could argue that my decision to change could be in my character or it could be from the example from my parents. There is really no way to address this issue without attempting from one side or the other. I say, why not both, and who cares which one has more impact? In my opinion(although no one asks), people sometimes try to find a scapegoat where they can so that they do not have to take responsibility for their own lives.
People really don't want to hear the truth. I am not good at sugar-coating Sometimes, I fall into this trap as well. There are certain things that I am sensitive about, and I initially will bristle at comments, but I actually respect and appreciate the person for telling me the truth. I think part of this is my constant desire to improve me.
Whether or not my desire to be perfect is from my upbringing or my personality is a moot point. In either case, it must be attacked, demolished, and removed before I can accept myself. Of course, the only reason I desire to address this issue is because I want to be perfect. Hmm...this is something of a catch-22...
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Pirate Bones
What if I squeeze myself into any shape
And I still don't fit?
What if I bend myself so much that I break
And I can't mend it?
What if I burn so bright that the fire goes out
And I can't stay lit?
What's the point in it?
I could get good at crying crocodile tears
Just to get along
I could carry on telling you wanna hear
'til my voice is gone
But if I finally get to the place that I think is home
And I don't belong
What's the point in it?
Where's the benefit?
When I'm gaining all but I'm losing it
[Chorus:]
It's not worth having
If it's too much to hold
You can dig so deep
That you're left with a hole
Thirsty in a desert with a bag full of gold
Don't wanna end up like pirate bones
What I thought was precious was just a pile o' stones
I might have the treasure but I'd be lying alone
Just a pile of pirate bones
If I forfeit my soul it ain't worth having
If it's something I stole it ain't worth having
What if I stake everything I am on a dream
And it's counterfeit?
If I reach the end that justifies the means
Could I live with it?
And if it's true that having too much of any good thing
Could only make me sick
What's the point in it
Where's the benefit
When I'm gaining all but I'm losing it
Oh, oh
[Chorus]
It's not worth that much to me
If losing out is what it means
To swim in shallow victory
Is empty, empty
It's just not worth the price
It's only a fools paradise
If it's draining every drop of life 'til I'm dry like pirate bones
[Chorus]
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