Idols

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour." ~Author Unknown

I have been very distracted the past week and a half. This week I have been so focused on my emotional self that I have not done any introspection on my spiritual self. I have had plenty of conversations with myself, but none of them have been with God. Granted, I do sometimes (often) get too inside my head, but this week I have been feeling sorry for myself. I have done no prayers, no reading of the bible or spiritual, and no contemplation of my soul since confession on Saturday. You might think this would make my week easier, but in all honesty, it actually made it MORE difficult. You end up wishing your life away. "I wish today were Friday." Then, on Friday, you wish it were 5 PM, but you never really enjoy the day as it is occurring. The days fly by way too fast as it is, and they only seem to accelerate. Also, there is no grounding when your head goes where it shouldn't because there is no "zero."

I would love to be able to say that I have no one else before God, but the truth is, there are so many idols in front of Him, I cannot even see Him through the haze. People, work, myself, material things, pride, music, etc. all take precedence unless I am having a rough time. My fair-weather "friends" drop away, and He is the only thing left there waiting to help me. Then, when things perk up again, all the noise clamors for my attention, and I forget all over again. If He were a human, I would say He was an enabler, and that He should just quit being there. I don't know if I am testing Him, as I often do with people, to see what it will take for Him to give up and just dump me. Of course, it is not a conscious decision, but it is something I still choose in some capacity because I have not addressed the issue at its base.

My relationship with God should be my most intimate one, and in some ways it is, but I still have this idea that God doesn't know all my "junk," and if He knew, He wouldn't love me unconditionally. This is BS, I know, but for some reason, sometimes I think I can pull one over on God and keep up the screen that I have for everyone else. I have to remind myself that He already knows about that thing I did, what I thought about him, and what I said that one time in anger. I think in some ways it just sounds too good to be true. There are alot of scam artists in this world, and believing them will get you in trouble, and this sounds like a really big promise, but as I've learned in the past, promises are not always kept. It is hard to decide who to start to trust in first-people or God. God is more reliable, but people are not as scary to start with. I was discussing with friends that in order to trust or love someone, you have to actually trust or love them. The good thing about God is that He is there whenever you are ready. Whether it's 5 hours or 15 years later, it is never too late to realize the depth of His love and grace.

It is nice to know that you can lean on God without worry of Him failing you. I have taken care of everything for so long, it means alot for someone to want to take care of me sometimes.
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Unfailing Love - Chris Tomlin

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The one I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love
Unfailing love

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still you make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love
Unfailing love

I will praise You
Praise you God of earth and sky
How beautiful is your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love